7 years

(warning: brain dump)

I used to think Chai Tea Latte’s to be disgusting.  Now I love them, and actually they are my preferred drink at the coffee shop up the road.  A biology major once told me that every seven years we acquire new taste buds.  Which could very well explain why some things we disliked as a child but love to eat as an adult.  I’m sure we have to get over the mental block telling us not to attempt to eat something we once found gross.

I think I’m starting to understand a bit more about how I tick.  Or maybe I’m just seeing right now how I perceive and thrive.  I can’t look back and say how I am now is how I’ve always been.  And I’ve always been one to get frustrated with, yet love personality tests all at the same time.  Oh yea, I remember scoring pretty down the middle on some of those what side of the brain do you use most tests and a few personality quizzes.

Right now I can’t help but wonder if my perceptive and relational taste buds are going through some change.  I need to be around others to feel I have purpose. And I need physical affection. I just don’t want that hug, I need it.  Oh, you need to get past me so you put your hand on my back to let me know you are coming around me…I don’t mind, in fact I just felt valued.  You are hurting? Well I cant fix you like I use to try but I know I can be as present with you as possible. I need to be seen for who I am. I need affirmation because I’m definitely my worst critic. I goofed again, I need grace after I admit I’m wrong. Because dissension breaks my heart. I need to be around others so I don’t get down, but when it’s been a long day I need you to let me unplug in silence.

I don’t feel like I’m the same as I was 5 years ago.  I’ve shed some believes about some things and I’ve gained new ones. I keep evolving through each lesson I learn and through the interactions with God, people, and things around me. But I am who I am. I was built a certain way and that doesn’t change too drastically. But my awareness of who I am seems to change quite a bit.  Or maybe it is just that I’m shedding those barriers that keep me from being me.

I saw someone write the other day.  “I am who I am, if you don’t like it, too bad”. Bold statement. But can that be backed up. Or is it just a barrier to hide behind while no one sees the true you?

Im a work in progress. A person on a journey. One with a story. I’m a living being evolving and transforming.

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